Turbulence


“In between the stuff that makes up the universe, is not just empty space.
Holding it all together is a wonderfully rich,  ’Quantum Field’,
out of which all matter and energy emerges, according to orderly patterns
that most scientists call consciousness or intelligence –
and the rest of the world calls”God”.

Depok Chopra calls it
“The field of infinite possibilities”
and says that “when we achieve the stillness of the prayer state we are directly participating in that field, and helping to shape the forms that emerge out of the it.”

A quote from “Uncommon Prayer” by R. L. Miller PhD
Published by Wise Woman Press’Quantum Field’,

Indeed there are more things in heaven and on earth ….

6 April 2012 marked the six month anniversary of Hein’s accident. He was doing so well that the name Miracle Boy was really appropriate. Still, I hesitated, worried, fretted and virtually had my panties in a knot over leaving him home while I had to go on a five day course, starting 11 April.
I prayed and asked guidance and the message remained the same: Go!
Still I found it hard to believe that God expected me to leave Hein at home, with some responsibilities and without any therapy and a watchful eye. Who will check that he takes his medication, will he feed the dogs, will he remember to close the tap? After all, he has proven several times over that he is very good at forgetting what he was doing, emptying the water tank in the process, and not taking his meds. Stress regress him to a forgetful, dependent child.
Karin took me away for one morning, two weeks before the course, showing me that my body and mind need the break, convincing me that I will have renewed strength and energy if I turn the course into a mini holiday. Thanks Karin and Alita.
When the borehole dried up the week before the course, and we had a little drama with opening up the old borehole and pumping water with the generator every day, I almost decided to stay because we did not have a drop of water to waste. After some deliberation I once again resolved to go because it’s not too far and I can always come back should something go wrong.
I started ‘training’ Hein from Saturday, showing him how much of what each puppy eats, writing down exactly when he must do what and checking the reminders on his cell phone. Just when I thought he had everything under control, Tuesday arrived. I was supposed to leave the morning, but Hein was somewhat in a daze, pacing, wringing his hands and generally looking stressed and worried. I almost unpacked to stay but took a deep breath, got in the bakkie at noon, and drove off, leaving my precious son with tight lips and wide eyes.
Tuesday night went well at home, with his brother Dirk taking pity on him by making dinner and feeding the puppies. I managed to make only two calls home, relying on my roommate, Felicity, to chat and keep my mind off my son.
Wednesday morning, at opening, the course leader, Linda Tellington-Jones, said that, in order for us to focus and get the most out of her teachings, we need to be relaxed and focused. We were invited to name anything that worries us and place it in the middle of the circle so that the group can hold the person or animal safe to free our own minds. Some other horses and Janeen’s very sick Mahashi, was placed in the circle, then I took a deep breath, visualising Hein as I did when he was in critical condition in ICU, safe in a golden bubble in the arms of angels, and placed him in that circle.
I must admit that I plucked him out of there several times over the next two days, and had to take him back to this safe place every time. Hein sent messages and called me several times, which of course distracted me way too much to focus on the work.
This drained me emotionally and I planned to just give it up and go home. Thursday afternoon, when Linda gave me a direct order to take a horse through a obstacle course, I had to give sweet Brolex away to someone else after a mere fifteen minutes. I was absolutely drained and so tired that I almost fell asleep at closing. All that virtual fetching and carrying Hein to and from the safe circle caught up with me.
Before falling asleep, I phoned home and had a long conversation with Hein and his dad. Hubby was planning to take half day off from work the Friday and be home all weekend. Hein’s voice sounded much more relaxed and he was looking forward to some quality time with ‘the men’ – his father and brother. He stopped asking questions about things that was written down on the list. As I lay back against the pillows it dawned on me that he is actually doing it, Hein is flying solo.
Friday morning I woke at dawn, refreshed and looking forward to a day of hard work. The next three days was the most fun I ever had on a course, reading and finishing a book, relaxing, learning, focusing and absorbing Linda’s boundless enthusiasm.

Dirk was so kind to bring his brother to our closing dinner on Saturday night. Thank you Dirk. I noticed immediately that Hein was stressed and quiet, turning very much into himself, especially when Linda arrived. He answered when spoken to, but was not the friendly, outgoing young man he became since the accident. I managed to keep my distance and not crowd him, but only just.
After dinner, Linda called him over for a picture. I extended my arm to pull him closer but he turned into the corner and wouldn’t even face me, his chin on his chest and face averted. I turned a blind eye to his distress, grabbed his arm and dragged him towards me with Linda and Eugenie watching and patiently waiting. All of a sudden he broke into a smile and looks so beautiful in the picture that I could just cry. Thanks Eugenie!
When I asked if he would like Linda to do some touches on him, he mumbled a tentative agreement. We went to a bedroom, graciously provided by Phillipa. Thanks Phillipa!
Linda asked him questions he didn’t answer, I had to give the answers for him. She started some touches on his back and the wrist that was fractured, and Hein started answering in hesitant English. Linda worked on his legs and then the ankle where the ligament was damaged. I gasped when she took of his shoe and saw he was wearing old, dirty once white socks. Off course my immediate thought was that I should have thought for him and reminded him to shower and put on nice clothes and socks! Bad mother! Fortunately Linda didn’t seem to mind and continued her work, carefully explaining and showing me what to do, throwing in some advice on not dropping his heel when riding.
At the end of the session she asked Hein how he felt and he came up with this beautiful, descriptive complete sentence in perfect English : “ I feel refreshed, as if I just woke up from a deep sleep.”
I was completely bowled over, and Linda was smiling, the proverbial cat with a saucer of cream to herself.
Shortly after, Dirk wanted to leave and I took Hein around to say goodbye. He politely said goodnight to Lindy, and several others before he waited for Linda to finish a conversation to, very politely, thank her and say goodnight. A completely different boy from the one who arrived earlier.

At closing on Sunday I could thank Koedoe for going to Hein when he needed him in hospital. Contrary to what some Christians believe, or maybe fear to admit, my God is everywhere, in everything and the Master of the universe. He knows what his children needs and loves each and every one of us so much that he gives us what we need, exactly when we need it. I believe that He sent Koedoe in spirit to be with Hein, when Hein was confused and in pain. Koedoe helped guide Hein back to reality, to ground him when Hein was floating between reality and lalaland. How else do you explain that Hein remembered his horse and his dog, when he had no recollection of the past ten years of his life, not even our current address?

This much was clear as I drove back home: It was destined that I should go, leave Hein to gain some self confidence, and experience Linda’s healing touch. There are no other words but: Thank you.
Thank you Linda. Thank you Lindy. Thank you Felicity. Thank you Helen. Thank you to all my friends who supported us and held Hein in that protective circle.

The cherry on the cake of course, was that I so enjoyed the last three days, that I actually forgot that I was being watched and tested, and in the process performed well enough to obtain the next level of competence in Tteam, (you are now talking to Tteam Equine Practitioner I) and I was so privileged that Linda Tellington-Jones, the founder of the work, together with Lindy, South Africa’s highest qualified practitioner and teacher par excellence, together handed me the certificate. A great day, to remember and savour for a long, long time.

   

Posted in Hein 6 October 2011 and beyond | Tagged | Leave a comment

Lugstrome


Hein is fisies heel gesond, die skafoid fraktuur is met ʼn skroef en draad in sy gewrig geheg en genees goed, dit behoort Juniemaand uitgehaal te word. Hy behoort dus fisies heeltemal te herstel en net die halfmaanmerkie op sy enkel en die vraagteken letsel op sy regterslaap oor te hou om hom aan die botsing te herinner. Die probleem lê by sy geheue, spraak en konsentrasie.

Ons dae is nogal vol, voller as wat die meeste mense besef. Hein gaan sien elke paar weke ʼn Spraakterapeut wie hom ‘huiswerk’ gee wat ek noodwendig saam met hom moet doen. Dit neem minstens ʼn uur per dag. Hy vergeet nog steeds woorde maar is heel kreatief om homself op ander maniere uit te druk. Hy gaan drie keer per week na Master Maths vir een uur sessies om sy Wiskunde op peil te bring, hy kry hier ook huiswerk wat hy op sy eie doen, en wat ook ʼn uur of twee per dag neem. Hy doen ook oefeninge vir algemene fiksheid, en spesifieke oefeninge om sy enkel te versterk waar die ligament beseer is. Ek doen dit gewoonlik saam met hom. Besoeke by die fisioterapeut neem twee ure per week in beslag. Hy laat so elke nou en dan toe dat ek bietjie Ttouch op hom doen waar hy seer het. Hy ry Impi ook sowat drie keer per week om voor te berei vir Uithouritte, die plan is dat hy hom ʼn volle 80 km by Parys gaan ry want die voorwaarde is dat hy eers vir Impi ‘n volle 80 km rit moet ry voordat hy weer vir Koedoe op ʼn uithourit mag ry. Dit neem ook ʼn uur of twee, afhangende van die afstand wat hy ry. Ons doen ook elke dag Audiblox, veertig minute per sessie en soms twee keer per dag. Ons werk ook informeel aan geheue oefeninge, sowat ʼn halfuur per dag. Danksy Audiblox is sy visuele geheue nou so goed dat hy 24 blokkies in ʼn ry korrek kan uitpak in een sessie. Ek neem hom ook so dikwels as wat ons kan na mense en plekke wat sy geheue kan verfris. Hy speel ook rekenaarspeletjies wat sy geheue toets, en moet baie lees. Ons bestee dus minstens ses ure per dag aan sy terapie en oefeninge. Ons voer en versorg die perde steeds self, en het ʼn hele span baba hondjies wat drie keer per dag gevoer moet word en maniere geleer moet word. Ledigheid bestaan nie tans in die woordeskat van hierdie huishouding nie.

Hy neem, buiten die Epilim wat konvulsies voorkom, ook Omega 3 en 6 olies en ander vitamiene en aanvullers om optimum gesondheid te verseker. Sy eetlus is swak dus voer ons hom maar baie vrugte en groente. Hy onthou baie mooi om sy pille saam te neem as hy iewers heen gaan, en het sy selfoon gestel om hom te herinner om dit te drink. Ek hou net ‘n ogie en gee nie meer self die pille vir hom aan nie, maar hy slaan nie een keer oor nie. Hy is bang dat hy nie meer sal kan motor bestuur as hy konvulsies kry nie en bly gemotiveerd om dit te drink, al beteken dit dat hy baie min alkohol kan gebruik.

Ek is by tye doodmoeg, asof ek baie hard gewerk het, nie oor ek enigsins fisies aktief is nie, maar omdat emosies en die delikate hantering daarvan, die basis van my dae vorm. Breinskade bring ʼn aantal voorspelbare probleme en ʼn aantal onvoorspelbare, geval-spesifieke uitvalle, so sal almal wie al harsingskudding gehad het weet dat mens se korttermyn geheue altyd belemmer word en maande neem om te herstel. Groter breinskade bring emosionele onstabiliteit. Dis waar die knoop nou vir Hein lê, hy het min beheer oor sy emosies en is gevolglik op ʼn wipwarit die hele tyd. Mamma is maar die een wie uitpluis wat in sy kop aangaan en die aanpassings maak. Ons is immer dankbaar dat hy nie aggressief is nie, maar ek moet in alle eerlikheid hier sê dat dit steeds beslis geen piekniek is nie. Elke oggend, as hy in die huis in kom vir sy oggendkoffie en pille, gesels ons eers ʼn rukkie, ongeag waarmee ek besig is. Ek reël my daaglikse roetine rondom Hein, en hierdie paar minute bepaal wat ons wanneer kan doen. As Hein, om watter rede ook al, moeg is of nie reg geëet het nie, is hy emosioneel jonger en baie meer afhanklik van Mamma se leiding. Sulke dae kan ek hom nie druk om fisio te doen of te veel spraakterapie en audiblox doen nie, hy word steeks soos ʼn kleuter en sal weier om enigiets te doen as die druk te veel is. Daardie dae is genadiglik al minder, en ook minder intens. Ons kan meestal heelwat gedoen kry, behalwe as iets buitengewoon gebeur, soos wanneer hy die spesialis moet gaan sien, opgewonde is, of een van sy ou skoolvriende kom kuier. Opwinding gooi ook sy emosies uit balans sodat hy sukkel om te konsentreer en stil te sit, byna soos iemand wat aandagafleibaar is.

ʼn Voorbeeld van hoe sy geheue werk, en watter invloed emosie op sy funksionering het, is die Leandra rit. Twee maande voor die rit kon hy nie eens onthou dat hy al ooit daar gery het nie, maar so drie weke voor die rit het hy begin vra watter van sy vriende ook daar sal wees, hy het hulle name begin opnoem, Gerhard, Reinhardt, Alex, Duncan…. My glimlag was al breër, Hein onthou! Twee dae voor die rit, toe ons die goedjies begin regsit en inpak, vang die opgewondenheid hom en word hy vergeetagtig en kan nie konsentreer nie. Hy loop doelloos heen en weer en vergeet wat hy wou gaan haal het. Ons laat die terapie vir eers tot die volgende week en fokus daarop dat hy alles inpak wat hy nodig het, dat daar genoeg kos is en dat ons kampgoedjies in orde is. Skaars buite Meyerton wil hy weet of Alex se ma ook daar gaan wees, en wat haar naam is ‘want die tannie hou van my en gee my altyd werk ‘. Halleluja! Esbie gee hom altyd werk ja, en gee hom kos en koeldrank, meer waarskynlik om hom en haar dogter Alex onder haar oë te hou as omdat sy besonder baie van Hein hou, maar hy onthou en dis al wat nou tel. Kort duskant Nigel begin hy vir my vertel hoe om te ry na Leandra toe, en toe ons op Moedverloren se grondpad draai, begin hy vertel hoe die baan loop, waar die hekke is, waar die waterpunte is en allerhande detail. My twyfel verdwyn. Hein sal oky wees, hy sal nie verkeerd ry of verdwaal of oorweldig voel nie. Hy het almal by die naam gegroet en met so ‘n ekstra wip in sy stap rondgeloop, baie in sy skik om daar te wees. Hy het gehelp om die tent op te slaan en homself oor die algemeen handig gemaak, so anders as die nukkerige tiener van vorige Leandra-ritte wie ek moes dreig om te help kampmaak, en die vleis te kom braai. Verskeie mense het opgemerk dat hy veel vriendeliker en baie beleefd en behulpsaam is – ‘n tipiese boereseun wat enige ouer se hart warm laat klop. Dieselfde mense het egter bygevoeg dat hy ook veel ‘jonger’ voorkom as sy jare. Die opwinding het hom inderdaad laat ‘terugval’ na ‘n emosionele vlak van sowat 12 jaar oud. Nogtans het hy die hele naweek volstaan by een enkele bier, en enige aanbiedinge van sterk drank bedank. Lank lewe Cream Soda! Hy het nie van pyn gekla tydens die rit nie, maar het gesukkel met Impi wat stadig loop en nie reguit lyne loop nie. Dit het vir Kobus, wie saam met hom gery het, duidelik geword dat sy probleemoplossingsvermoë en logiese redenering nog nie in plek is nie, hy kon nie daaraan dink om bloot sy bene te gebruik om die perd vinniger te laat stap, en in reguit lyne te hou nie. Die drawwery het sy enkel laat pyn en hy kon ook nie daaraan dink om sy hakke te lig en meer op sy tone te ry nie. Hy was na die eerste been waarskynlik meer emosioneel uitgeput as wat sy enkel gepyn het, dus het ek hom sonder teëspraak toegelaat om op te hou terwyl die ander die afstand voltooi. Almal was baie gaaf en het hom geluk gewens en terug verwelkom in die sport. Dit was beslis elke sent en al die moeite werd. Hy het foutloos terug bestuur huis toe, selfs al het ons ‘n ander roete gebruik weens al die padwerke. Hy het nou wel net 34 km van die 80 km gery, maar hy is die hekkie met vlieënde vaandels oor.

Ons maak maar grappies as hy taalfoute maak of nie idiome of uitdrukkings verstaan nie, en hy lag gewoonlik saam, maar so nou en dan voel hy gefrustreerd en vererg hom. Ek het een aand ʼn woord korrigeer en kort daarna het Dirk ʼn lawwe opmerking gemaak. Hein het woedend geword en met trane in sy oë geskree dat hy nooit weer terapie gaan doen nie want almal lag vir hom dus werk dit nie. Hy was die volgende oggend weer kalm en niemand het na daardie insident verwys nie. Ek moet hier byvoeg dat sy pa en broer graag help met sy terapie, maar nie so ingestel is op sy emosies nie, en dus soms die verkeerde ding sê wanneer hy nie reg is daarvoor nie. Ek meng nie in met hulle interaksie nie want hy kan nie vir ewig beskerm word nie, en wie is beter om hom die stampe en stote van die lewe te wys as juis sy liefdevolle pa en sy boetie?

Uitdrukkings en idiome is soms effens misterieus vir hom, so het hy my vreemd aangekyk toe ek na ʼn eenvoudige ete wat baie goed ontvang is deur die drie mans sê: “Honger is ʼn goeie kok” Mamma het dan self die kos gemaak, wie is Honger dan? Ek stel sulke opmerkings nou net effens anders deur byvoorbeeld te sê: “ Soos die uitdrukking lui, is honger ʼn goeie kok. “ Hierdie tipe fokus op detail dra by tot my algemene afgematte gevoel, maar weer eens dra julle almal se gebede en ondersteuning ons dwarsdeur die driffies. Ons skenk nou tydens spraakterapiesessies, spesiale aandag aan uitdrukkings en idiome.

Nog ‘n voorbeeld van die wroeging en wisseling wat deel is van ons daaglikse lewe, is die dag wat ons die perdekarretjie op die sleepwa moes laai. Ek het Julius gevra om hom te help en mooi verduidelik dat hulle die karretjie in die stoor moet gaan haal, dit na die kraan toe stoot, dit mooi skoon maak en dit dan op die sleepwa laai. Hein weet die karretjie het ‘n pap wiel en ek het aanvaar dat hy die wiel sou pomp voordat hulle dit skuif, want die kompressor staan reg langs die karretjie. Oomblikke nadat hulle weg is stoor toe, staan die karretjie reeds langs die bakkie om gewas te word, met die wiel nog net so pap. Ek het maar diep asem gehaal en hom so rustig moontlik herinner dat die wielvelling die bande beskadig as dit so pap is, en dat dit nie ‘n goeie idee was om die karretjie te stoot met die pap band nie. Sy antwoord? “ O ja! “ Karretjie gewas en gelaai moet ek besluit of Hein ‘reg’ is om die Venture te bestuur met die sleepwa en karretjie aan, sodat ek met die klein bakkie kan ry. Ek het heelnag daaroor lê en wonder, wroeg en bid, en besluit dat hy veilig sal wees. Ons stop die twee voertuie by die motorhawe buite die dorp om die bande te pomp, en my hart spring in my keel toe Hein vies wil weet hoe ek dink die bande gepomp moet word terwyl dit so styf teen die waentjie se modderskerms druk dat dit eintlik induik. Dit was die eerste keer dat hy sedert die botsing ‘n motor bestuur met ‘n sleepwa aan, en hy was so opgewonde daaroor dat die eenvoudige fisika van lugdruk skoon uit sy kop uit is. Die verbasing op sy gesig toe die karretjie homself oplig toe die bande oppomp sal my altyd bybly, hoofsaaklik omdat dit my laat twyfel het aan my besluit om hom te laat bestuur. Hoe kan ek hom in die dorp laat bestuur met ‘n sleepwa aan, sal hy nie vergeet van die wa, of afstande oorskat of onderskat nie? Ek moes my bekommernis in my sak steek en deurdruk, daar was nie omdraaikans nie, ons was immers reeds oppad. Ons het almal veilig daar aangekom, Hein en Ds Fritz het die karretjie afgelaai en die waentjie afgehak, en ek het die een dankgebed na die ander opgestuur. Nog ‘n mylpaal is behaal, en my senuwees hou nog.

Ons is ook gesëend om ‘n dokter as vriendin te hê. Karin het, sonder om ‘n bohaai te maak, besluit dat ek ‘n mini wegbreek nodig het, en my en Alita geneem om te gaan eet en fliek. Ek dog nog die een enkele oggend sonder sy ma sal hom goed doen, hy ken immers die roete na die spraakterapeut. Ek sorg dat hy alles wat hy moet doen op sy selfoon intik – hondjies voer, Liesbet aflaai en stort voor hy ry na Shireen toe is immers nie ‘n baie lang lys nie – en sluit by my vriendinne aan. Elfuur bel Shireen – Hein is al 15 minute laat vir sy afspraak. Ek bel hom vervaard, hy het verdwaal maar het darem weer bakens gevind en is reeds baie naby. Ek voel natuurlik dadelik soos ‘n skurk, hoe durf ek my arme, weerlose seuntjie so alleen die strate instuur?! Selfverwyt vreet my op en ek mis ‘n groot deel van War Horse, maar dis gelukkig ‘n tranerige fliek dus het niemand skeef gekyk na my rooi oë nie. ‘n Sinvolle gesprek met Alita en Karin het my oortuig dat dit noodsaaklik is dat Hein weer dinge op sy eie doen. Eind goed, als goed. Hein is veilig tuis en Shireen is tevrede met sy vordering. Ek is self verbaas hoeveel meer ontspanne ek voel na die paar uur weg van huis en kind, ten spyte van die skuldgevoelens, en sien kans om hom meer verantwoordelikhede te gee.

Dit bly immer ‘n wroeging om te besluit wanneer hy wat toegelaat moet word, hoeveel hy gedruk moet word, wanneer om die teuels skiet te gee en wanneer om dit weer kort te vat. Hein se vermoëns wissel immers daagliks en kan selfs gedurende die dag verander. Ons doen maar net ons bes, niemand kan immers beter doen as dit nie. Ek sien heimlik uit na die 5 dae in April wanneer ek op kursus gaan, dink net hoe ontspanne ek gaan wees as ek terugkom!

So ‘n paar weke gelede nooi Danny hom saam na ‘n fees waar hulle wil oorslaap. Tyd om oë te te knyp en alles in Ons Vader se hande te laat. Dit was sulke tyd, ons moes hom laat gaan dat hy vlieg. Vroeg Sondagoggend kom hy tuis en vertel in kleur en geur hoe snaaks ‘n dronk mens is! Hy het die hele naweek nie ‘n druppel gedrink nie, sy vriende veilig soontoe geneem, daar gesorg dat hulle darem eet ook, en hulle weer veilig teruggebring. Ek moet byvoeg dat Danny nie te veel gedrink het nie en op sy beurt ‘n ogie oor Hein gehou het. Hy besef nou (weet nie hoe lank hy gaan onthou nie!) dat musiek beter klink as mens nugter is, en dat dronkenskap pynlik en gevaarlik kan wees. Om Jurie Els aan te haal: ‘Hoe sê mens dankie? ‘ dat hy veilig terug is en ‘n paar waardevolle lesse geleer het. Die engele was baie besig daardie naweek, maar ons is daardie hekkie ook oor.

Ek het hom een aand, toe hy na Eston toe wou ry, mooi gevra om voor donker terug te wees omdat ek bekommerd is dat hy òf gaan verdwaal òf onverwags ‘n terugflits gaan kry. Ek wil nie negatiwiteit aantrek nie maar mens moet realisties wees. Hy het belowe dat hy nie alleen in die donker sal rondry nie, en altyd sal sorg dat ek of sy pa weet waar hy is. Hein was heel verleë toe ek sê: “ Ek is lief vir jou en bekommerd oor jou, ek wil nie hê jy moet seerkry nie. “ Hy deel sedertdien maklik drukkies uit en hou ons op hoogte van sy kom en gaan, min gepla dat hy so opgepas word. Dit lyk asof hy meer soos ‘n jong tiener voel, as soos ‘n twintigjarige, en dis goed so, veiliger. Ons sal seker binnekort deur sy storm-en-drang tienerjare moet worstel maar dis ook maar goed so, ons weet ten minste ongeveer wat om te verwag, dit sal immers Hein se tweede keer wees ;-)

Hein is besig om emosioneel sterker te word. Buiten dat hy drankgebruik baie goed hanteer, het hy eergister vroeg huis toe gekom en nie oorgeslaap soos ons gereël het nie. ‘n Vriend van ‘n vriend het hom geterg oor sy geheueverlies en hy het verkies om hom aan die situasie te onttrek, eerder as om te bly en sy humeur te verloor, of nog erger, in trane uit te bars. Dirk sou graag vir Jan in die hande wou kry! (en eintlik ek ook – klein verpesting!)

Al die terapieë en ekstra klasse kos ons ‘n klomp geld. Die mediese fonds betaal net ‘n deel van die spraakterapie, en die fisioterapie put die spaarplan uit. Die Wiskundeklasse is ‘n onbeplande uitgawe. Hy moet orals heen geneem word, of self ry, en buiten die reeds genoemde goed is daar nog besoeke aan die dokter en spesialiste, en ritte na vriende en plekke om sy geheue te help. Die brandstofprys wat so styg is lastig maar ons sal van brood lewe, as ons net vir Hein kan help om optimum herstel te bereik. Die wonderlike hiervan is dat Alexander besonder besig is vir hierdie tyd van die jaar en dat ons dus tot op hierdie stadium nog nie finansieel agter raak nie.

Na die oggend uit met Karin en Alita, en die dag wat ek alleen vir Koedoe gaan versorg het toe Francois hom by Bethlehem gery het, het ek besef dat die wegbrekies heeltemal te min is, as ek my kind regtig wil help moet ek self ook sterk en gesond wees. Ek is nou besig om my eie lewe bietjie vir bietjie terug te neem, ek voer weer self die perde, gaan ry ver ente met Thumper, maak die tuin nat en gaan pluk groente in my organiese groentetuin (wat maar power is omdat my hand nie daarop was nie). Ek moet nog net opvang met my lesery en weer begin skryf, dan is ek weer ek. Amper daar.

Hein het laasweek sy vorige werkgewer gaan sien in die hoop dat hy minstens ‘n tydelike pos kan kry. Hy het nou genoeg selfvertroue om kans te sien vir ‘n naweekwerkie. Kobus het nog nie laat weet nie, maar ons is positief en glo dit sal uitwerk soos dit moet.

Ek kan nie genoeg beklemtoon hoe julle gebede en ondersteuning en positiwiteit ons dra nie. Ek hoor nog steeds hoe selfs wildvreemdes vir hom bid. Ek kan nou ‘n meer spesifieke lys gee vir diè van julle wat ‘n gebedslys verkies. Bid asb dat: Hein sy eetlus terugkry, meer eet en gewig optel. Die fraktuur in sy pols en die ligament in sy enkel 100% herstel en die skroewe Juniemaand kan uitkom Hy elke dag die fisio doen wat hy moet doen om hom te help fiks en gesond word en ook spesifiek die ligament help herstel. Die evaluasie by die spraakterapeut, geskeduleer vir April, goed sal afloop en ‘n ware beeld van sy vermoëns sal weergee. Dit sal ons help om die regte besluite oor sy toekoms te neem. Hy ‘n werkie sal kry om sy selfvertroue ‘n hupstoot te gee en ook te help met die finansies – ons moet hom nou weer ten volle finansier met lugtyd, brandstof, klere ens, net soos vir ‘n skoolkind Ons ‘n plan kan bedink vir sy komende 21ste verjaarsdag. Hy en sy vriende glo dis ‘n dag wat mens moet alkohol gebruik (soos in lekker suip). Ek hoop ons kan ‘n Plan B uitdink sodat hy dit steeds kan geniet en terselfdertyd nugter bly, of net enkele drankies neem. Enige voorstelle?

My diepste siel is hier blootgelê, maar ek glo nog altyd: It comes back and bites you maw wat jy uitdeel is wat jy terugkry, eendag, iewers in die toekoms, gaan jy my gebede en ondersteuning nodig kry, en dan wil ek daar wees vir jou, soos jy nou vir my is. Onthou dit, maak daarop staat, jou liefde trek rente by my.

Posted in Hein 6 October 2011 and beyond

On Perceptions


Two people standing next to each other will walk away from a situation with two different perceptions of the very situation they have just been in together. A shining example is specifically perceptions of what is going on at Irwin’s Rescue Centre in Valley Settlements in Walkerville.

Reading newspapers, the internet and facebook, and talking to some people, my perception of the groups and individuals involved is in short:

The lady that runs/owns/started it all, Anne, started rescuing stray animals many years ago, possibly because she was opposed to euthanizing unwanted animals. She became disillusioned over time, people disappointed her and eventually she refused to let these animals leave her property. The animals accumulated to the point where she now has more than 750 dogs and 200 cats in her care, along with some horses and donkeys. Taking care of them is now an overwhelming financial and physical burden she can’t carry anymore. Once again let me emphasize that this is my own perception.

The perception of the SPCA officials is probably that the animals can’t move around freely enough and don’t get individual attention. Cats are becoming feral and dogs are shy of strangers. They most probably have the welfare of each animal in mind when they urged Anne to let them be adopted or euthanized.

I even heard that ‘the SPCA is only stopping her because there are only so many sponsors and they need the money and support for themselves’ – a distorted perception if there ever was one, but that is my own perception speaking again.

There are perceptions among some people that Anne lost her marbles and that the ‘crazy lady’ should be hospitalised. Others think that she became greedy and is just keeping the dogs so she can get freebies from sponsors.

More perceptions, especially from individuals in groups for the rescue of specific breeds, is that she is holding these animals hostage. Others perceive that she just crave the money or attention.

Anne’s perceptions of the representatives of breed-specific rescue groups seems to be that they laughed at her and belittled her and therefore she refuses to hand any of those purebreds over to any of these groups.

The media created the perception in some people that the place is smelly and dirty, that animals are not taken care of and that it should be closed down. I perceived the setup to be noisy, to say the least. Having been in the vicinity at feeding time, I was astounded at the noise level that neighbours had to put up with, hundreds of dogs barking at the top of their voices is something to be experienced!

Therefore, my perception of Irwin’s neighbours is that they are exceptionally patient and tolerant people, or maybe they have selective hearing impairment (insert snort or giggle here)

My perception is that Anne, together with assistants and some volunteers, are doing are a marvellous job. Judging from the pictures, the animals are in good condition and relatively happy. Some may need experienced handlers but in general they are quite adoptable. Also, Anne probably is emotionally attached to her cause and finds it very, very hard to let go of these animals. I never met Anne and am writing this from a distance, but my perception is that a person who give each and every one of hundreds of animals its own name, take care of their injuries and keep them in good condition with good food and medical care, is a loving, caring person who don’t deserve to be ridiculed and sneered at.

The assistants and volunteers supporting Anne, probably have the perception that they are doing the right thing for the animals and for Anne. My perception is that Anne started out doing a marvelous job but that she lost the plot somewhere along the way and didn’t know where to draw the line as far as sheer numbers is concerned.

The volunteers in the facebook group ‘Irwin’s Angels’ probably have the perception that they are helping the animals – they are canvassing for people to come and adopt these animals into loving, caring, approved homes. In the process they are also helping Anne because she needs to prove to the magistrate that she is putting the animals out for adoption and that she really cares for their welfare – or at least that is my perception of the court proceedings and the urgency behind their being adopted.

Another perception from those who can’t adopt animals, is that they can make a difference in the lives of a few of these animals by donating food, blankets, toys etc or by bathing the dogs and giving them a few moments of individual attention. Once again I may be wrong about their perceptions, but I my perception is that there is no wrong in that.

Perceptions are shaped by facts and personal experience. How you see something depends largely on the angle you look at it.

The bottom line is that, if you put all these perceptions together, you still end up with a distorted picture, because of your own perceptions.

Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments

Yaris, A step back


Sometimes one is reminded quite sharply and unexpectedly that life can resemble the proverbial female canine. Also, one can never assume.

I used to be in control of my emotions, never crying in public and never really angry either, but since Hein’s accident I lost most of that control and am now as vulnerable as the next mother. I resent every moment of this and spend a lot of energy trying to regain control. After we lost our dogs, we obtained a few puppies because life lacks a certain je ne sais quoi without wagging tails at one’s feet. My son Dirk got himself a Boston Terrier.  Little Yaris was, at ten weeks old, excessively cute but independent, his own man so to speak. Unfortunately Yaris also has a serious colon problem, resembling irritable bowel syndrome, he is either constipated or has a runny tummy.  The upshot of this condition became clear one Saturday morning, the day we celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary – nogal!

Yaris was constipated and had a rectal prolaps, which meant that I started the day with a finger up a dog’s arse! Dirk was almost running away at the sight, so Mommy Dearest had to phone the vet and follow instructions on getting everything back in place. Fortunately only about one centimetre of the rectum protruded at that stage, but unfortunately we put him down after a while, and he promptly proceeded to push out twice the length! This time, after I omce again ‘fixed’ everything, Dirk held him in his arms until the vet’s office opened. The vet put two stitches in to keep everything in place and Yaris got to spend the day at our celebration together with Dirk, while the other dogs had to wait at home.

I boiled Yaris some rice and chicken and fed him small meals five times a day, which seemed to work quite well. Until Valentine’s Day that is ….

The stitches came out ten days before and Yaris was on a mild laxative to keep his stool soft, we never suspected a prolaps again. Dirk had just fed the puppies and was watching them licking out their bowls when he yelled: “ O, no! Ma! Look! “ The prolaps was back with a vengeance.

This time I was armed with some piles ointment and sharpened skill, so the process went fairly smoothly. Dirk had to go to work so I held Yaris in my arms all the time. Fortunately he is still quite small so I held his two hind legs between my fingers and his little head tucked under my arm, and there he dangled quite happily upside down, ogling the world from a different angle.

I wrote Dirk an sms, reminding him that I will call him after I have spoken to the vet, and that he will have to make a decision. Yaris will either have to have surgery, or be put to sleep, because his quality of life was seriously compromised. He is still very young and there is not much point in dragging on like this, the puppy is in pain.

I wanted to be at the vet as early as possible and woke Hein asking him to hold the puppy while I take a bath and get ready. He took the puppy and almost immediately put it down on the floor. I picked it back up and said slowly and clearly: “ Don’t put him down. Take your coffee mug in one hand and hold Yaris in the other. “

A little tired and stressed out myself, I didn’t notice Hein’s emotional distress when he realised that Yaris had to get to the vet quickly and that the whole trauma of the previous Saturday was repeating itself.

Once again he put Yaris down, once again I picked him right back up and, carefully thinking about choice of words, said: “ Hold him in your arms until I take him from you. “ Hein held Yaris only a few minutes, by the time I opened the taps and popped back to the kitchen to check, Yaris was back on the floor. Quite exasperated by then, I grabbed Yaris, shoved him in Hein’s arms and said in a very firm voice: “ Hold him!” Hein looked up at me with that little boy look (which I did not notice then) and said in his little boy voice (which I did not hear) : “Don’t yell at me Mum “

I did not take a deep breath, instead I sort of gently exploded:  “ I’m not yelling! Yet. Pull yourself together! Now! “ He turned away, and I only realised later its because his eyes filled up with tears. My parting shot? “ Hold the damn dog! “

Yaris was still in his arms when I returned. I took Yaris from him, asked Hein to start the car, wrote Hein a list of what he must do, grabbed my handbag and rushed out. Fortunately, while I was getting dressed, I realised that Hein was upset and may not take his tablets or have breakfast, hence the hastily scribbled note.

Driving down the dirt road, Yaris was decidedly unhappy to be in the cat carrier. He screwed up his little face, bundled his lips into a perfect little ‘o’ and howled.

That was the last straw that broke the camel’s back. At first it was a fleeting thought ‘I was a little hard on Hein’ but then I started thinking about it, and pretty soon I was beating myself up for being such a lousy mother who yells at her son instead of comforting him when he is upset. Unfortunately it’s quite a long way to town and the vets office, which gave me way too much time to think and analyse what just happened. By the time I passedHenley-on-Klip, the tears were streaming down my face, and I was crying my heart out, in serious competition with the still howling Yaris.

I managed to take a few deep breaths, almost composed myself and glanced over at Yaris who mysteriously also piped down. He tilted his head to one side and peeped at me through the little window, and instantly had me back in tears, which he copied by howling again. The road to town was never this long before, I thought we would never get there. It was a little like playing in a comedy horror movie, only it was broad daylight and nobody yelled: “Cut!”

Arriving at the consulting rooms, I took Yaris out of the cat carrier, holding him tight, taking a moment to compose myself. Entering reception, Lorinda immediately asked what was happening with Yaris, but I almost rudely walked right past her, asking for some water to drink. Soon after the younger vet called us over, it was decisionmakingtime.

I called Dirk and he decided on surgery. I was quite relieved that at least the decision was made, left Yaris there and went straight to Wimpy for some well deserved coffee. Contemplating my ‘crash’ I realised I was more upset by the contrast between Hein’s behaviour on Sunday and Tuesday, than about Yaris or any of Hein’s actual actions that morning. We had friends over on Sunday, and Hein was having a ball, remembering everybodys’ names, helping his dad with the food, putting up the gazebo, making drinks for the guests and generally being a normal, happy young man. The helpless little boy came as such a shock that I just could not cope with him at that moment.

We thought Hein was doing very well, that he was almost back to his old self, just about 20 years old again, which made the downward slope steeper and all the more slippery. Although we learned to cope with Hein’s emotional rollercoaster – he went from teenager to adult to child several times a day, every day – he was stabilising on late teenager and the young adult he really is. The sudden regression hit me hard, and I was not prepared, that explains my tears.

That said, I must add that God’s grace is always a prayer away, and I managed to compose myself within a few minutes, as soon as we reached the vet’s office. I was grateful when Dirk and the vet decided on the surgery, and happily fetched the puppy the next day, to feed him every four hours, buy him special food, give his medication and organise my life around his needs. Every hour of my life was determined by the needs of my son and this puppy. My comings and goings revolved around the times they needed attention and medication. I never complained because Yaris was getting better, Hein was regaining his equilibrium, and it was all just temporary.

Hein’s friend Francois was keeping his horse fit and was riding him at an endurance ride that very weekend. We packed our stuff, I fed Yaris one last time before we left, and wrote a complete list with detailed instructions on exactly how Yaris and the other puppies must be fed and taken care of. All went well, until Sunday morning. Dirk gave Yaris his midmorning feed and then took him outside for a wee. Dirk went into his house only to rush back out when he heard a racket outside. Nobody knows why, but fact is that the adult fox terrier, and the oldest of the puppies, turned on Yaris and was yanking at his legs, ‘playing’ way too rough for such a fragile little pup who had surgery only days before.

Dirk was there within a moment but it was too late, Yaris went limp and stopped yelping. It was all over in a few minutes, before Dirk could get to a vet to try to save him.

Looking back, I’m not sorry it happened, I’m rather glad for the joy that Yaris brought Dirk and the rest of us in the few weeks he lived with us. I now know that Dirk will be a wonderful, caring father, should he have kids one day.  My son took really good care of his puppy, and spared no cost to save him and make him comfortable.

Tongue in cheek: It gives me hope for the day that my husband and I may need taking care of, it looks like the kids may very well be there for us.

I do regret not being there to console Dirk, but looking at the incident earlier the week, I can see it’s all for the best. I may very well have fallen apart, and that is the worst thing I can imagine to happen to both Dirk and me.

Once again I just have to mention friends who helped carry the load when we needed it most – Estelle, Moekie, Karin, Alexander, without you we would have been infinitely more miserable, Thank you.

Ten survival tips:

Cry when you have to;

Stop crying when you have to;

Do what needs to be done;

Do lip circles when your lips are quivering and you are too emotional to think;

Drink water in moments of stress;

Leave the responsibility with the responsible person, don’t take it on yourself;

A change of scenery makes a world of difference, go have some Wimpy coffee, even if the waiter stares at your red eyes;

Say you’re sorry when you are, hug and tell your loved ones that you love them;

Accept your own imperfection, know that you will and may make mistakes;

Breathe.

Posted in Hein 6 October 2011 and beyond | Leave a comment

From a magazine


A Horse and a mother’s love

A translation of the article by Alita Steenkamp in Vrouekeur of 6 February 2012

Hein Potgieter’s amazing recovery after a motorcycle accident is a miracle

On 6 October 2011 at 20:40, Elsabè Potgieter received the phone call every parent fears. A good samaritan stopped at an accident scene where a young man was side wiped off his bike. He found the injured biker’s phone in his pocket and tried to dial ‘Mom’ but there was no airtime on the phone, so he used his own phone to say: “ I have bad news, your son was in an accident’. Those who know Elsabè well will also know that she is not the panicky type. Even though she knew her son was lying seriously hurt on the straight stretch of tar road between Henley-on-Klip and Meyerton, she remained calm and collected. She asked the stranger the exact location of the crash, phoned her husband with these directions, and reminded him to take his medical aid card with. She discovered only much later how vitally important that instruction really was. The paramedics won’t even load a patient into the ambulance, much less transport him to a hospital, if there is no proof of membership on the scene. By the time Elsabè arrived at Vereeniging Medi-Clinic from Kyalami, Hein was already in the X-ray department, being scanned. He was unconscious. It did not look at all good. His scull was fractured on the right hand side and there was severe bleeding and swelling on the left hand side, causing severe pressure on the brain from both sides. Twice during the course of the evening the neuro-surgeon placed a hand on Elsabè’s shoulder, looked her straight in the eyes and said: “This is very, very serious” Elsabè says: “ By one o’ clock the morning the surgeon went back home because he could do nothing more for my son. I had to decide whether to stay with my child or go home and get some rest. My husband, Alexander, and our other son, Dirk, went home, but I could not tear myself away from my child. Standing there in ICU next to his bed, in the soft light with all those monitors beeping around us, a deep depression came over me. So this it it, I thought. At that stage it was impossible to tell if he will wake up, and if he does, how handicapped he will be. “ In describing the whole experience in her blog, Elsabè refers to the Hein (20) as Miracle Boy. Hein was on his way home on his bike, after visiting a friend. On the straight stretch of road before the Henley-on-Klip turn off, a car passed him and for some reason turned in too sharply. Hein was knocked off his bike. His head was apparently smashed against the side of the car. His recovery was one miracle after the other. Hein is a keen horse rider who obtained provincial colours in endurance riding. He successfully completed the gruelling endurance championships at Fauresmith three times in a row. His horse, Koedoe, with whom he share a special bond, lives, together with the family’s other horses, on a smallholding outside Meyerton. Elsabè is a qualified Equine Ttouch practitioner. This is a special touch therapy, developed for horses but also used for companion animals and humans. It can improve almost anything, from an injury to certain fears and stress patterns. On advice from horsey friends and from own experience, she knew that Koedoe may very well be the best therapy for her son. She applied some of the Ttouches on Hein to help him calm down (he was very restless) and bring his heart rate down. “ I put up some pictures of Koedoe, and of Hein’s puppy, Fanjan, next to his bed. When he opened his eyes the first time, he recognised Koedoe. “ Hein doesn’t remember anything about the accident, in fact, initially his memory was stuck somewhere in his primary school years. He still struggles to remember high school teachers, friends and incidents. The family moved from Heidelberg at the end of his Grade 7 year, but he did not remember that they lived in Meyerton. After ten days in a full coma, Hein slowly began waking up. The part of his brain that was damaged, has to do with speech, inhibitions and short term memory. Speech therapy started while he was still in Intensive Care. He went home on day 19. At home his mom saw to it that the therapies continues. “ The moment we got home, the first thing I wanted to do was to go see my horse “ Hein says. “ He knew something was wrong with me, he was a different horse. Before my accident, Koedoe was lively and energetic. He always wanted to play and was skittish, even naughty, but now it seems as if he wants to look after me, take care of me. I rubbed his neck, said ‘hallo’ and showed him that he doesn’t have to be afraid of the crutches. “ Doctors predicted that Hein will have to go to rehab after hospital for an intensive rehabilitation programme, but he surprised everybody by going straight home. The second day at home he already put the crutches down and walked on his own. He had to go through all the stages of development again. Initially he was much like a toddler who had to learn to walk, talk and even eat. Hein is emotionally still on the level of a high school child, but improves daily. Another exciting miracle is the way Koedoe indirectly helped Hein to unlock memories of his past. There was an article on the 2011 endurance championships, held at Fauresmith, in the Weg magazine. Elsabè was told about it, and when she and Hein walked into the supermarket, she took the magazine off the shelf and showed it to him. He was in a picture together with more riders. He followed his mom through the supermarket, his nose in the magazine. On arriving at the cashier, he showed Elsabè a photo of himself on Koedoe at he contents page. He started talking, telling her everything about the three day ride in the smallest detail. “ Its remarkable “ Elsabè says, “The magazine had no idea of Hein’s accident, yet they use two pictures of my son in the same issue. The moment he saw the pictures, memories began bubbling up like a fountain. On the way home he remembered other riders he met at Fauresmith, and more rides. “ Hein’s days are still filled with an intensive therapy programme. Elsabè is very proud of the way Hein is dealing with this. The ‘old’ Hein from before the accident was unmotivated and in his second gap year, the ‘new’ Hein is motivated and eager to study mechatronics. The family was quite excited when Hein baked a lovely bread just before Christmas, because he was able to read, understand and follow the recipe unaided. He struggles to read longer words but is improving all the time. “ We now have a new child. Somebody gave us the link to a website that explains all about head injuries. On reading it, I realised what a miracle my son’s quick recovery really was. I have always been a Christian, but now I am so thankful for understanding exactly, in the deepest sense of the word, what God’s Grace really is. People always say ‘The Lord is so good to me’ and then I didn’t understand what they really meant. Now I do. “ That night, while I was standing next to Hein’s bed and became so depressed, I took out my cellphone and made a facebook entry. The reaction from a friend in Australia was almost immediate. Communicating with her lifted me out of the darkness and I managed to be positive and send positive thoughts to Hein. Technology, Ttouch on Hein and myself, angel wings from all over in the shape of sms messages, facebook messages, plates of hot food and all those sincere prayers, together with God’s pure grace, carried us through and is still carrying us to this day. Hein wants to be fit and strong again, he wants to study and get a good job. He never questioned why it happened to him, that question will probably come up some time. I believe that answer will come to him too. For now, Hein can’t wait for the fracture in his wrist to heal, and to ride Koedoe again. “

Elsabè’s blog: www.blikners.wordpress.com

Also visit: ttouch.co.za and ttouch.com and headway-gauteng.org/info.html

Posted in Hein 6 October 2011 and beyond | Leave a comment

Veilig hoog, met ‘n glimlag


Besluit maar self wat jy dit wil noem, ontvlugting of vermydings taktiek, ek verkies om te glo dat humor ʼn spanningsvolle situasie ontlont en dit meer draaglik maak. Aanvanklik het ons lekker vir Hein gelag wanneer hy snaakse dinge doen en sê, maar deur die genade kan ons deesdae saam met hom lag.

Dit het reeds begin toe hy nog in Intensiewesorg was. Mens kan die spanning daar byna met ʼn mes sny, so dik is dit. Personeel is gefokus en hou hulle afstand om nie te betrokke te raak by pasiënte wie letterlik enige oomblik kan sterf nie, besoekers is bekommerd en wag gespanne om te verneem van die pasiënt se prognose, en die pasiënte self is meestal salig onbewus van hulle eie kritieke toestand want hulle is of in ʼn koma of so verdoof dat hulle in elkgeval nie mooi weet waar hulle is nie. Personeel beweeg flink en vinnig, besoekers stap stadig en huiwerig en staan hulpeloos langs die bed en staar na die slapende pasiënt. Die pasiënte slaap of staar onsiende die niet in, onder swaar verdowing, dis nou almal behalwe Heinrich Potgieter vanaf dag 8. Die oomblik wat die verdowing gelig is, het hy probeer regop sit en blykbaar huis toe gaan. Sy baie besige vingers het hulle bes probeer om die ventilator, voedingsbuis en ander buise en drade af en uit te trek. Die ventilator is naderhand uitgehaal en vervang met suurstofpypies in die neus, en hy  kon begin praat. Sy eerste woorde was fluisteringe uit die botsingnagmerrie, soos: pasop, hier kom hy, gee pad (alles sonder uitroeptekens want dit was los, gefluisterde woorde) en later: stupid, waars die bliksem, eina, los my, bel die polisie.

Hy was ʼn hele paar dae vasgevang in hierdie nagmerrie waarin hy die botsing oor en oor beleef het, maar toe word hy genadiglik bewus van sy omgewing en begin mense en dinge raaksien. Gelukkig het een van die susters dit goed gedink om te verduidelik dat hy waarskynlik inhibisieloos sal wees agv ʼn kombinasie van die medikasie en die aard van die besering, dus was ek nie heeltemal so verleë oor sy volgende woordkeuses nie:” Fokken kaffer! “ vir die hoogs gekwalifiseerde, uiters bekwame verpleër wat geduldig die soveelste keer die suurstofbuis terugsit wat Hein self uitgepluk gekry het (al was sy hande vasgebind); “ Wat soek die meid?! “ vir die eweneens professionele verpleegsuster wie sy kaart reg langs hom sit en voltooi. “Swart, als is swart!” en hy beduie na die personeel, die draadjie aan sy bors, die toerusting en knoppies wat hy kan sien vanwaar hy lê. Die personeel het nie een soveel as ʼn oog geknip nie, inteendeel het hulle soms geglimlag en gesê dis ʼn goeie teken as hy praat want dit beteken hy is bewus van sy omgewing en, aangesien die uitspraak heel duidelik is, dat die skade aan die spraaksentrum in sy brein nie so erg is nie. Engele, almal van hulle, swart of te not.

Een aand sê Hein hard en duidelik: “ Tien! Hulle soek tien! “ Alexander het natuurlik geen idee gehad waaroor dit gaan nie en Hein het dit al harder herhaal tot Rethea onthou het dat Shireen, die spraakterapeut, die oggend daar was. Sy het ʼn paar oefeninge verduidelik wat ons elke besoektyd met hom moes doen in stelle van tien herhalings. Hein het tevrede tot rus gekom toe hulle bevestig dat inderdaad tien is.

Sy reaksie op vrae was soms relatief vinnig en hy kon bv binne sekondes reageer en sy mond oopmaak sodat sy tande geborsel kan word, maar soms het hy geantwoord lank nadat die vraag gevra is. So was die neuro-chirurg die oggend agtuur daar en het Hein ʼn paar vrae gevra, onder andere: “Wat is jou naam?” en “Wat is jou van?” Elfuur besoektyd kry ek hom wakker, hy kyk na my, toe na die suster en sê: “Potgieter!” Ek was heel verbaas toe sy sê: “Mooi! Jou naam is Hein en jou van Potgieter. Goed gedoen! “ Hy het probeer glimlag, sy oë toegemaak en die res van die kosbare halfuur besoektyd geslaap.

Shireen, die spraakterapeut, en die fisioterapeut was byna elke dag daar om sy brein so vinnig moontlik aan die gang te kry. Shireen kom een dag in besoektyd daar aan. Sy groet, vra hom of hy weet wie sy is en hy skud sy kop: Nee. Sy wys na my en vra: “En diè, wie is dit diè? “ Hy wys geen reaksie nie, kyk haar net uitdrukkingloos aan. Sy draai sy gesig na my toe en sê vir my om dieselfde te vra terwyl ons oogkontak maak. Ek probeer: “ Hein, wie is ek? Wat is my naam? “ Geen reaksie nie, weer net die lang kyk.                                 Shireen: “Is dit jou ma? “ Geen reaksie. “ Sê bietjie: Ma.“ Geen reaksie.                              “Kyk vir my” Sy oë draai na haar toe, dus hoor en verstaan hy. “ Kyk vir my mond, maak soos ek, sit jou lippe op mekaar en sê mmmmmm. Mmmm aaaa.” Geen reaksie.                 Ek kon nie help om te lag nie en sê vir Shireen: “ Daai kyk sê vir my hy dink: O gats! Nou is ek in die moeilikheid! Hier lê ek in die hospitaal, ernstig beseer, en my ma kan nie haar eie naam onthou nie! “ Shireen kon maar net saam lag.

Ons het ook baie gelag wanneer Shireen, en later Rethea en ek, hom vrae vra en hy nie die antwoord kan onthou of hy dit nie uitgespreek kry nie, ons help hom dan bietjie, die gesprek sal ongeveer so verloop: Wat is die dae van die week? Hein: Maandag, Dinsdag, Woensdag …..                                                                                                                                 Watter dag kom na Woensdag? Stilte                                                                                              Maandag, Dinsdag, Woensdag en dan? Is dit daarna Donderdag? Hein druk dan ‘n voorvinger in die lug, glimlag en sê triomfantelik: Daar’s hy!                                                Kom ons doen nou die maande van die jaar. Hein: Donderdag                                        Probeer weer, Januarie, Februarie … Hein: Donderdag                                                           Ons is nou klaar met dae van die week, ons doen nou maande van die jaar, watter maand volg na Februarie? Hein: Donderdag                                                                                      Shireen het verduidelik dat die beseerde brein, byna soos ‘n rekenaar, soms kan vashaak en ‘hang’ dan moet mens dit soort van restart, verander die onderwerp heeltemal en doen iets fisies soos koeldrank drink, en doen dan ‘n nuwe oefening. Ek het sommer basiese onderwystegnieke ook geleer: maak seker dat die vraag korrek formuleer is, praat duidelik en stadig, vra dieselfde vraag met ander woorde as die antwoord verkeerd is, bly geduldig, verander die onderwerp voordat hy gefrustreerd raak.

Ek het hom elke liewe oggend vertel watter dag dit is, waar hy is en waarom, hoe die weer is, en afgesluit met: “ Mamma is lief vir jou, jy moet gou gesond word. “ Shireen, Rethea, die dokter en soms ook die personeel sou hom later byvoorbeeld vra watter dag dit is, maar hy het nooit terwyl hy in Intensiewesorg was daardie vrae direk geantwoord nie, maar as iemand dit anders sou stel en byvoorbeeld vra: Was jy in ‘n ongeluk? Het hy instemmend geknik en met nadruk gesê: “ Off course yes! “

Hy was al in Hoësorg toe hy moes tel en trek los met: One thousand and een, one thousand and twee, one thousand and drie ens. Shireen kon hom op geen manier kry om normaal te tel nie en hy kon ook nie verduidelik waaroor die One Thousand gaan nie. Danny het die aand kom besoek en kon net dink aan ‘n gunsteling TV program van Hein: A Thousand Ways to Die.                                                                                                                                        Wat het in my arme kind se kop aangegaan? Het hy begin besef hoe erg sy besering was, en was op daardie stadium obsessief met die dood? Ons sal nooit weet nie.

Elke oggend wanneer Dr Fatmi vir Hein besoek, het ek ingeglip om te hoor wat hy sê, en dan sommer vir Hein gegroet terwyl die dokter na die pasiëntkaart kyk. Elfuur besoektyd stap ek en Rethea dan in en sy groet haar boetie met: “Hallo, hoe gaan dit?“ dus was sy die eerste een om te hoor: “Goed” Mompelrig en net die een woord maar ʼn direkte antwoord op ʼn direkte vraag.

Twee oggende later vra Dr Fatmi dieselfde roetine vraag wat hy al die afgelope tien oggende vra, Hein se oë was op my en ek sê: “ Antwoord die dokter my kind, hy vra jou hoe dit gaan “ en wonder bo wonder antwoord hy in Afrikaans: “ Goed dankie dokter “ Sy eerste duidelik verstaanbare frase! Dr Fatmi vra hom toe: “ Who is that? Do you know her? “ maar tot die dag van sy ontslag het Hein my nie ʼn enkele keer identifiseer nie, hy het geweier om te sê ‘Ma’. Hy het waarskynlik redeneer hy ken my mos en hoef nie so ʼn maklike woord te oefen nie, of dalk was hy weer bekommerd oor my eie identiteitskrisis?

Een van die spraakterapie oefeninge was dat hy sy mond moet oopmaak op bevel en sy tong uitsteek (om beheer oor sy spraakorgane te kry). Rethea het sy oefeninge waargeneem terwyl sy daar was, en vra hom eers net om sy mond oop te maak. Hy het in die stoel langs sy bed gesit en ek het aan die anderkant van die bed gestaan. Elke keer as Rethea mooi hard en duidelik sê: “ Maak oop jou mond “ byt hy sy tande op mekaar en trek sy lippe op en oop in ʼn soort grinnik. Rethea vra weer en demonstreer en trek sy ken liggies af, maar elke keer kom die grinnik terug. Ons twee lag naderhand so dat die suster by die bed oorkant gesteurd opkyk en ons streng aangluur. Ons het die besoek kortgeknip en vroeg geloop daardie dag, voordat hulle ons uitsmyt.

Die volgende dag was ons weer suur aangekyk en byna uitgeskop. Hein het voortdurend die suurstofpyp uit sy neus uit gesukkel, al was dit teen sy wange vasgeplak en sy hande aan die bed vasgemaak. Ons stap die dag daar in net toe hy sy onderkaak uitsteek en die suurstofpyp vernuftig met sy onderlip hak en in sy mond in trek. Ons los dit toe maar so omdat hy darem nog steeds die suurstof inkry, maar net totdat hy sy lippe styf toeknyp, die druk uit die pypie sy wange opblaas en die lug gevolglik raserig tussen sy lippe deur ontsnap. Ons het maar die pypie uitgesukkel en bo-op sy neus gelos tot sy verpleër terug was om als reg te maak.

Vanaf ongeveer dag 10 in ICU was Hein baie woelig. Hy kon opdragte verstaan en het meestal bedaar wanneer ek of ʼn personeellid in Afrikaans vir hom sê om stil te lê, maar saans, wanneer Alexander en Dirk besoek, was hy oormoeg en die drukking op sy brein hoër, dan was dit baie moeilik om hom tot rus te kry. Hy wou op sy sy draai om te slaap en het altyd regsom gedraai, waarskynlik omdat sy kop ‘swaarder’ was aan daardie kant. Die rollery het alles kompliseer omdat hy homself behoorlik vasgedraai het in al die drade en pype, dit het ʼn spanpoging van 2 of 3 mense geneem om hom los te draai. Alexander en Dirk was een aand moeg vir sukkel daarmee en het die EKG drade losgemaak, die bondels drade ontkoek, die diagram gevolg en alles weer netjies op hulle plekke vasgemaak. Gelukkig het die verpleegsuster op daardie oomblik ʼn draaitjie gaan stap en niks hiervan gesien nie, en alles het reg gewerk daarna.

Twee aande voordat hy uitgeskuif is na Hoësorg kon hy darem al redelik goed reageer op vrae en het sy hele gesin herken. Ongelukkig bring vordering mee dat hy sterker word, regop wil sit, en loop. Die dokter het sy hande laat los maak omdat dit hom te veel ontstel het, maar daardie aand met besoektyd draai hy eers op sy maag en gaan staan toe op sy knieë op die bed om die staanders en ander toerusting agter sy bed te beskou. Hy was seker baie lus vir opstaan en ‘ontsnap’ want toe hy ʼn buisie met ʼn proppie op gewaar sê hy: “My fok!” en begin dit flink losdraai. Hy het seker gedink dis die ding wat hom vashou en hy sal kan opstaan as hy dit af kry. Gelukkig was dit nie ʼn belangrike stukkie toerusting nie. Alexander gryp sy hand weg en hou dit vas maar sy ander hand kom ewe flink by en draai verder los. Dirk moes toe die ander hand vashou en die proppie weer vasdraai. Gelukkig weet ons toe dat daar geen fout is met sy kleinmotoriese vaardighede nie!

Intensiewesorg red lewens, maar dis beslis nie die gemaklikste plek om te wees nie. Daar is 24 uur per dag ʼn lig iewers aan, mense beweeg, monitors piep en alarms gaan af, dis beslis nie die stil, stemmige plek wat ek my voorgestel het nie. Die voortdurende stimulasie is nie so sleg vir pasiënte nie, Hein het naderhand begin agterkom wat om hom aangaan en het kommentaar gelewer, so het hy na die pasiënt oorkant hom se monitor gewys en gesê: “ dis nie reg nie, 130 is nie reg nie “. Die man se bloeddruk was inderdaad baie hoog en sy hartklop veels te vinnig (inderdaad 130!) sodat die personeel deurentyd doenig was by hom. Ons het toe ook besef dat Hein kan lees, goed hoor en interpreteer wat hy sien en hoor.

Ons het aanvanklik glad nie van sy hare gepraat langs sy bed nie, hy was darem baie trots op daardie lang swart hare met die silwer streep! Ons het net positiewe dinge gedink en gesê naby hom, maar toe sy hande los kom het hy nie net die pype en drade verken nie, hy het ook so aan die lang hare agter sy oor gevoel-voel, oor die verband gevryf, oor die stompies hare bo-op sy kop gevryf, gefrons en weer aan die lang hare gevoel. Ons het maar naderhand vir hom gesê dat sy hare afgesny is dadelik bygevoeg dat dit weer sal uitgroei. Hy wou daarna nie weer aan die kort hare vat nie en het net met die langerige slierte in sy nek gespeel. Nadat hy kon loop het hy net een keer in die spieël gekyk en nooit weer nie.

Ons het hom geterg oor sy Vaaldriehoek Mullet maar hy het nie gedink dis snaaks nie. Dis die eerste ding wat Alexander gedoen het toe Hein tuis kom, nadat die hond en die perd gegroet is het hy die kind se hare oral netjies gelyk geskeer.

Daai vingers van hom was baie besig. Ek het ʼn paar keer opgemerk dat die verband om sy kop ʼn bietjie slordig lyk en aangeneem dis omdat hy so rond rol in die bed, tot die dag wat hy dit afpluk, sy kop krap en dit met twee hande, soos ʼn tulband, weer oor sy kop aftrek.

Tuisgekom het hy sy selfoon se sim-kaart uitgehaal en onderstebo teruggesit. Dit het geknak en ek moes hom winkel toe schlep vir ʼn nuwe een. Gelukkig het ek gesien toe hy dit weer doen en kon die simkaart betyds red. Dis ten minste darem ʼn beter, slimmer kaart as die oorspronklike.

Die eerste besoekers nadat hy uit Intensiewesorg ontslaan is, was Ouma Tittie saam met Lets en Liezl. Soos die personeel voorspel het, was daar ʼn onmiddellike en dramatiese verbetering in sy toestand toe hy na Hoësorg oorgeplaas word. Hy het in Saal E aangekom met ʼn pertinente waarskuwing dat hy woelig, rusteloos en soms byna onbeheerbaar is. Ek was nie by nie maar die personeel sê hy het inderdaad probeer opstaan uit die bed, die verband van sy kop afgetrek, en rusteloos rondgerol. Elfuur besoektyd, sowat ʼn halfuur later, het hy rustig lê en slaap. Hy is wakker gemaak om pille te drink, maar omdat hy nog ʼn vertraagde slukrefleks gehad het, is dit in joghurt fyndruk. Hy het die joghurt geëet, vrugtesap gedrink en verder geslaap.

Middag besoektyd het Ouma enkele minute voor my by sy kamer ingestap en ‘n groot verrassing gekry, hy het half regop gesit, geglimlag en haar dadelik herken en gegroet. Hy het Lets en Liezl nie eintlik herken nie maar blykbaar onthou Liezl rook want hy het haar dadelik met twee vingers voor die mond beduie dat hy groot asseblief ʼn sigaret soek. Hy het haar aangespreek as ‘Tannie Sonja’ (wie ook rook) en elke kort-kort sy versoek herhaal tot ons hom oortuig het dat hy nog nie kan loop nie en nie in die saal mag rook nie.

Dag 2 in Hoësorg begin hy kyk na die foto’s teen die muur en noem dat hy sy hond, Fanjan, mis in die bed saam met hom. Rethea gaan koop toe ʼn speelgoedhond wat baie soos Fanjan lyk en daar slaap Hein alte lekker met die hond styf in sy arms. Ek sal seker nooit Hein se opgetoënheid met die speelgoedhond vergeet nie, sy glimlag was soos die son wat opkom. Hy word later wakker en gewaar die hondjie, wat intussen onderstebo gedraai geraak het, onder die laken. Hy sleep hom aan sy stert uit, beskou die onderkant aandagtig, druk dit teen sy neus en vra: “ Sies, watse ding is dit?”  Rethea kon darem tussen die lag deur die hond omdraai en sy gesiggie na Hein toe draai. Hein lag toe weer (half verlig) gooi sy arm om die hond, draai weer op sy sy en slaap verder. Fanjan Too staan nou ongeliefd op die spieëlkas, arme ding!

Nagpersoneel het vertel hoe die twee ooms in die ander beddens in sy saal hom saans wakker raas, dan staan hy op uit die bed en begin doelloos rondloop. Sy balans was baie swak en hy het meer geval en in mure vasgeloop as om regtig te loop, en niks kon hom in die bed hou nie, dus het hulle hom beurtelings in ʼn stoel by die stasie in die middel van die saal laat sit, en saam met hom al om die stasie gestap. Ongelooflike mense, hoe sê mens dankie dat hulle hom nie vasgebind het of ignoreer het nie?

Vroeg die oggend van Dag 2 in Hoësorg help Chris, die fisioterapeut, Hein om op te staan en te loop (wat hy die vorige middag en die nag met hulp van 2 mense gedoen het). Daardie middag word ‘n loopraam afgelewer. Die idee met die loopraam was dat hy dit effens optel en loop sodat hy dit maklik kan neersit as hy sy balans verloor. Dag 3 in Hoësorg pleit ek en die personeel ewe hard by Chris om Hein streng aan te spreek oor die stappery, want Hein lig daai loopraam horisontaal soos ‘n stormram, en loop dan so vinnig as wat hy kan, enigeen en enigiets voor moet maar net padgee! Chris se mooipraat het nie juis gehelp nie dus het ek gou huis toe gery om my krukke te gaan haal. Dit het hom veel stadiger gemaak, hy was maar lomperig en dit het so skeef-skeef gegaan maar Hein was op sy voete en kon self toilet toe gaan en gaan oefen in die gang af. Hy het graag saam met sy besoekers gestap om bietjie ‘af te show’.

Elke skoon hemp en slaapbroek wat ons gebring het is eers opgehou en bewonder asof dit die heel eerste keer in sy lewe is dat hy dit sien (op ‘n manier was dit) en dan het hy sonder uitsondering gesê: “ Oe! Dis mooi! “ duidelik beïndruk met sy eie kleresmaak, en selfs wanneer ons dieselfde hemp die tweede of derde keer bring. Tuisgekom het hy hom verlustig in ‘n hele nuwe klerekas vol van die coolste klere. Dirk het baie lekker gelag vir Hein se eerste poging om homself aan te trek, hy het die T-hemp met die prentjiekant na hom toe gehou en dit oor sy kop getrek, baie verbaas dat die prentjie nie op sy bors is nie!

Dag drie in Hoësorg help ek hom om te stort. Ek dra die klere en skeersakkie, sit alles reg in die badkamer. Hy trek self uit, stort, en droog af so ver hy kan bykom, foutloos tot agter sy ore! Ek droog sy rug af en help hom die broek aantrek omdat hy aan die reling moet vashou as hy buk. Hy trek self sy hemp aan en borsel sy tande. Uitasem gespook terug by sy bed beduie hy “dis nie reg nie”. Ek gaan kyk of ons iets indie badkamer vergeet het, kyk hom deur of hy nie mooi afgedroog is nie en doen my bes om uit te vind waaroor hy so neul, wat op aarde is nie reg nie? Sy woordeskat was op daardie stadium nog baie beperk en woorde het soos wilde voëls uit sy kop uit gevlieg. Uiteindelik lê hy moedeloos terug in die gemakstoel, trek die gulp van die slaapbroek met een vinger effens oop en beduie: ” Kyk! ” Ons het toe mooitjies nie vir hom ‘n onderbroek aangetrek nie!

Hy het meer as 10 kg verloor in die tyd in Intensiewesorg, dus het ons vir hom Purity vrugte, joghurt, kaas en vla gekoop om die hospitaalkos aan te vul. Alexander en Dirk het vir hom die buisie kaas oopgemaak en aangegee dat hy dit kan uit suig. Hein het eintlik sy oë toegeknyp, sy lippe geklap en gesê: “ Mmmmm-mmmmm! Dis lekker! “ Die arme kind is mos vreeslik lief vir kaas.

Tuisgekom het ons baie pret gehad wanneer hy woorde vergeet en summier vervang met enige woord wat in sy kop opkom. Ons het hom nie gehelp nie om hom te dwing om die regte woord te onthou. Op’n dag beduie hy hoe lus hy is vir ‘daardie brood met die deurmekaar vleis en groente en kaas en goed op’ Ek sê toe dat ek vir hom sal koop as hy kan onthou wat dit is. Dirk hoor die gesprek en skree uit die kamer: Dis pizza! (Hy was self baie lus daarvoor) Ek hou by my woord ten spyte van die kullery van Dirk se kant af, en belowe dat ek sal koop as hy tot by die winkel kan onthou wat dit is. Skaars by die hek uit het hy die woord vergeet, maar ek gee hom kans en hou aan ry, hy dink en dink en sit selfs die radio af sodat hy kan dink. Toe ons indraai by die parkeerterrein skree hy: “Pizza!” wat ek toe gekoop het, hy met klappende lippe aan gesmul het, en Dirk en Alexander ook elkeen van gekry het.

Kort daarna is ons in Pick and Pay om ‘n paar goedjies te koop. Hy is baie lief vir druiwe en stap reguit na die rak met groot, swart druiwe. Weer eens onderneem ek om dit te koop mits hy kan sê wat dit is. Ons was in die heel laaste gangetjie besig met die laaste inkopies toe ek hom herinner dat sy tyd byna verstreke is. Hy lyk bietjie benoud maar die woord spring net betyds uit sy mond uit: “Druiwe!” Hoeveel mense ons vreemd aangekyk het weet ek nie, ek het nie rondgekyk nie, ek kon net sien hy probeer hard en sy woordeskat brei uit.

Woorde was die hoogste hekkie, maar daar was ander ‘foutjies’ ook. Alita het kom perd ry en hy hou ewe galant die perd vas by die mounting block sodat sy kan opklim, maar ongelukkig maak hy die perd aan die verkeerde kant staan. Ek was al heel bedrewe in die kuns om Hein te korrigeer sonder om sy gevoelens seer te maak of hom dom te laat voel, en sê: “ Tannies kan nie aan daardie kant opklim nie, loop vorentoe, draai links en bring Dean dat hy hierdie kant staan asseblief.”

Een oggend kom Hein ingestap nadat hy vir Koedoe gaan bederf het met ‘n worteltjie, en vra: ” Wat is die perde se name? Ek ken vir Koedoe, Thumper, Impi en Dean, maar wie is die gryse? Die perd wat nie ‘n perd is nie? ” Ek het my lag gesluk en geantwoord: ” Die donkie se naam is Jaffie. “

Hein het sekere goed foutloos onthou, soos hoe om tee te maak en watter klere syne is, maar sou vergeet waar die brood gebêre word. Een aand vra hy waar die melk dan is, en ek verwys hom na die yskas. Kort daarna staan hy in die deur en vra vir melkpapier. Oulik soos ek geword het om uit te pluis wat hy bedoel wanneer hy kreatief raak met woordvorming, kon ek na ‘n paar probeerslae nog steeds nie uitpluis wat hy wil hê nie. “ Nee my kind, Ma verstaan nie, jy sal maar op ‘n ander manier moet verduidelik. “ Hy staan lank en dink en sê naderhand so half moedeloos: “ Ma, ek wil gaan poef “ Die toiletpapier was op!  Die linnekas, waarna ek hom toe verwys vir die toiletpapier, was ook ‘n onbekende woord vir hom en ek moes maar gaan wys.

Twee dae na sy ontslag uit die hospitaal neem ek Hein vir fisioterapie, en daarna gaan ons Wimpy toe voor sy afspraak by die spraakterapeut. Oppad soontoe herhaal ek ‘n paar keer dat ons gaan Cream Soda drink. Ek was nog besig om my handsak neer te sit en die sleutels daarin te bêre, toe staan die kelner al langs ons tafel. Voordat ek nog kan dink om iets te sê het Hein en die kelner al oogkontak en Hein sê: “Kaas asseblief.”  ‘n Groot vraagteken verskyn op die kelner se gesig. Hein glimlag en sê weer vol selfvertroue: “ Kaas asseblief. “ Die kelner staar vasgenael na Hein en weet duidelik nie wat hom verwag word of wat hy volgende moet doen nie. Ek raak toe maar liggies aan sy arm sodat hy na my kyk, en bestel ewe kalmpies twee groot glase Cream Soda. Hein het sy gunsteling koeldrank baie geniet en ek het die kelner so met die betaalslag komplimenteer met sy professionele optrede, hy het immers nie gelag, vrae gevra of enigsins aandag getrek nie. Die operasiemerk aan Hein se kop het hom seker laat besef waar die probleem lê. Dankie tog vir sulke engele ook.

Nà die musiekaand, wat hy baie geniet het, was Hein eintlik huilerig van moegheid. Hy kon nie eens meer ‘n logiese sin vorm nie en het woedend geword toe ek nie verstaan van watse wit goed hy praat nie. Hy het bly praat van Cream Soda en die yskas, maar dit wat hy bedoel is wit, nie groen nie. Ek het hom bed toe gestuur maar hy was oor moeg en kon nie tot rus kom nie, hy het aanhou terugkom na ons kamer om te karring oor die Cream Soda. Ons ontleed toe elke woord en na ‘n lang gesukkel sê ek: Roomys? Hy gooi sy hande in die lug: “ Daar’s hy! Uiteindelik! “ Hy het omgedraai, in die bed geklim en byna dadelik aan die slaap geraak.

Soos ek voorheen gesê het, het die Spraakterapeut verduidelik dat dit wat mens eerste in jou lewe geleer het die diepste vasgelê is en die maklikste nuwe paaie vorm om na boontoe te kom. Buiten tel, weeksdae, maande, kleure en ander voorskoolse oefeninge, moes Hein ook sy liggaamsdele uitwys. Soms moes ek daarna wys en hy sê en ander kere het ek gesê dan moet hy wys waar is dit. Hy het aanvanklik glad nie maermerries gehad nie, en julle kan nie glo waar sy kuite en ken orals gesit het nie! Ons het groot pret gehad maar hy het dit naderhand mooi reggekry en kon onderskei tussen sy naels en naeltjie.

Ons moes ook items identifiseer, en my gunstelingplek was die kombuis met sy baie  toerusting. Ons volg dieselfde patroon, eers benoem hy en dan ek. Jy sal verbaas wees om te sien waarmee mens als, volgens Hein, kan brood rooster!

Sy leesvaardigheid het verbeter van laerskool tot hoërskool en nou volwasse vlak. Shireen werk nou meer aan sy visuele en ouditiewe geheue in voorbereiding op sy beplande inskrywing by die kollege in Januarie. Sy vra hom by sy vorige sessie om sy oë toe te maak en te sê watse klere sy, en toe ek, aan het. Hy het maar power gedoen deur haar donkerblou rok met die mooi en opsigtelike ketting om die nek net te beskryf as ‘swart’ en niks verder nie. Tuis gaan ons aan met die oefening maar dit sukkel, tot Dirk sy nuwe bakkie huis toe bring en Hein na ‘n enkele kyk presies in detail beskryf, alles van die vorm tot die bekleedsel, radio, alles. Ek besef toe dat ek anders sal moet begin dink want hy stel eenvoudig nie belang in die dinge wat ek hom tot dusver gevra het nie. Nou breek ek my kop om hom man-dinge te vra – waarin ek nie belangstel nie! Gelukkig is daar die perde en perdegoeters om sy visuele geheue mee te oefen.

Sy leesvermoë is nou op hoërskoolvlak, maar ons het baie pret gehad met sy uitspraak van sekere woorde, en sy begrip van wat sekere woorde beteken. Hy het intussen die kuns aangeleer om woorde te ontleed om die betekenis te kry. Die besering is aan die spraaksentrum van sy brein, daarom sukkel hy so met woorde, lees, woordbegrip, leesbegrip en om te onthou wat hy gelees het. Hy kan al leestekens reg lees maar sukkel nog om meer as een paragraaf terug te vertel. Sy woordskeppingsvermoë laat my dikwels glimlag, soos met sy laaste terapie sessie toe hy ‘n lang sin voorlees en ‘n woord uitlaat, hy verduidelik toe aan Shireen hy het die woord ‘weggesien’. Oulik nê?

Soos Suzan graag sê: As ons nie lag nie, dan huil ons, so kom dat ons lag.

Posted in Hein 6 October 2011 and beyond | Tagged | Leave a comment

Still High


Like a pebble in a pond the message spread, from his immediate family to granny, aunts uncles and cousins and further on to friends and friends of friends. The message of Heinrich’s miraculous recovery reached all over the world. The Facebook message was copied and pasted onto other friends’ walls and soon reached Australia, the USA, Ireland and the UK. The word of what God our Father has done for Heinrich through all those prayers, touched the hearts of hundreds of people, revived our belief in miracles and God’s mysterious ways.

People kept on calling, assuring us of their continuous prayers and positive, healing thoughts. While some of them probably knew how long the road to full recovery still is, many once again simply followed what God our Father and the Holy Spirit placed in their hearts. The bottom line is still that no phone call or sms or visit is ever wasted, it always comes at the exact moment its needed most.

The road to full recovery resembles a roller coaster ride more than anything else, a lot of fun but very scary at times. We plunged to the depths of near-depression, and were carried to the heights of unexpected progress with many twists and turns in between, sometimes all of this in the space of a single day.
I always jokingly say that I have only one name because my second name really is Lists. I write things down and plan every day and every event to the last detail. Not a single list or day plan appeared from my pen since 20:40 of 6 October 2011. Only three things were sure to happen every day: Heinrich will take his medication on time; he will be on time for all his therapy appointments; any other plans will be digressed from.

Adjusting is the name of the game. Adjust to a whole new lifestyle and a whole new person who looks like my adult son but acts like a frightened, immature stranger. It started in hospital when he was waking up. As I said before, this waking up is a process with lots of confusion, nightmares, pain and sometimes sheer terror on both our parts. Heinrich managed to pull out the feeding tube, even while his arms were tied to the bed, and the staff decided to rather try and feed him yoghurt, porridge and a protein drink. Unfortunately he had a delayed swallow reflex and I learned to check that he swallowed and opens his mouth before I feed the next spoonful.
He was still in High Care (where staff graciously allowed me to attend to him almost all day) and I was still adjusting to spoon feeding an adult, when he grabbed the spoon and tried to feed himself. Weakened and thin as a rake, he still had the strength of an adult male!
Negotiation was the name of the other popular game. We agreed that he will just hold my wrist but within three meals he held the spoon with me guiding his hand and then he, very messily, fed himself. The bed sheets had to be changed only once after a feed though, before he got the hang of it. The next day he was flying solo with me cheering every bite, from then on I only had to feed him when there were crushed tablets in the custard. Pretty soon he progressed to swallowing tablets and eating solid food, and was looking forward to going home, even though he had no idea where home was.
Heinrich, the shy guy, was totally uninhibited and had no problem with Mom or anybody else helping him in the loo and shower, as long as he felt secure that he won’t get hurt, he was happy.
The first two days in High Care were my favourite, Heinrich was fully awake and getting better so fast that we could not do anything else but rejoice in the Grace of God. In his own mind he was a little boy, he hugged me, kissed me good morning and goodnight, cuddled with a toy dog and generally was a sweet boy who dearly loved his mommy and daddy.
This boy had the body of a young man and the mind of a toddler. Confusing to say the least! Fortunately he reached his ‘milestones’ very quickly – learned to talk, sit up, feed himself, put his shirt and shorts on, walk with a walker, go to the loo, brush his teeth and shower – all in the space of three days. Adjusting was indeed the name of the game!
We put up pictures of him, his horse, his dog and some friends and relatives. Friends came to visit, some he remembered one day but not the next. In his mind we still lived in Heidelberg but he knew his current dog, horse and that his sister is married to Loekie, which happened since we moved to Meyerton.
I must admit that I now miss the cuddles from my’ baby boy’. One morning they were just not there anymore. His granny remarked the other day that she likes the new Hein better because he is so polite and well mannered. I couldn’t agree more.

Every day held a surprise when I entered his room. I would half-wake him at 6 in the morning to give him his tablets, and learned his state of mind for the day – when he was childlike (when there is more pressure on the brain) he smiled, swallowed the tablets and went right back to sleep, when he was more mature and almost ‘the old Heinie’ he would grumble and complain before taking the tablets.
This mood could change at any time during the day, when he became over tired, dehydrated (just the slightest little bit) or excited. He regressed to childhood within an hour but would wake up after a nap a totally new person. His mood swings would put a menopausal woman to shame!
Adjusting was still the most popular game, not only me adjusting to the ‘different people’ in Hein but also adjusting the way I talk to him. Trial and error brought me to a generally acceptable way of mothering him without mothering him. I found creative ways to remind him to brush his teeth for instance, and drink water. Fortunately he was very focused on getting better and tried his best with the exercises and therapy.
He was never embarrassed when I stated clearly, to strangers and friends alike, that he had a scull fracture, can’t remember much and can’t be left alone for a long time. Most people are understanding and let me fill out forms and accompany him wherever he needed to be. Some seemed a little scared of him until he smiled his lovely smile and extended his hand in friendly greeting. Some people were really amazing, talking to him directly, making eye contact with him and really listening to him; they obviously had previous experience of such injuries and know that the patient is still a person with feelings. I can never thank these people enough.
This brings me to the next adjustment I had to make: looking without seeing. I actively decided not to notice Heinrich’s wobbly walk and silly smile, not to hear his slow speech and delayed answers. I was virtually laughing in the face of the black wolf and forever looking for strong food for the white wolf. Admittedly it was hard work at times, but by the grace of God and the prayers of loved ones, we always managed.

Healing came in leaps and bounds. One day he needed help reading short words in Afrikaans and the very next day he was reading long words in English! The first weeks after he was discharged from hospital the quick changes from young boy adult was the most pronounced. We had tickets to an evening of fun music games which he attended with us. He enjoyed it very much, even though he could not remember a single answer. Lots of people from church faffed over him and he enjoyed the attention, even though they were total strangers to him. The ‘grown-up Hein’ had a thorougjly enjoyable evening. He was exhausted when we got home and literally could not even string a sentence together and whined like a toddler.

What worked on my nerves though, was the little childish things, like story telling. He would come running to tell Mommy whenever his brother showered too long, when the maid arrived a few minutes late, when the gardener stopped for a smoke break. Endless and all day long. Once again I had to find creative ways to divert his attention, to get him to focus on something else. Not so easy to do when it’s a man, not a child, and you want to build his confidence and not just shut him up, and you are so happy when his short term memory improves!

Arriving home after his discharge from hospital was the best day ever. Not only was Hein well enough to go home, but when we were inGlen Donald he started giving me directions, he remembered where we lived! His dog was overjoyed and could barely stay in his own skin. His very lively, energetic, snorty horse Koedoe stood still, not running from the swaying crutches, and virtually hugged Hein by bending his neck around Hein and gently pushing him closer to his shoulder. Good practise in blinking away the tears.

Hein was discharged on the Tuesday and went to church with us that very Sunday. Hein and Dirk swopped places so Hein was seated at the end of the pew next to the window. I had to look away and swallow back the tears when Dirk held the song book out to Hein, placed his finger under the words and, quite casually, helped his brother follow the words. Sweet beyond words.

Ten days after his discharge from hospital, Hein came up to me and said in a grave voice: “ My horse knows there’s something wrong with me, Mom. Koedoe comes to me when I whistle, he stand still when I talk to him and he lets me kiss him. “
To appreciate this, you must know that Koedoe used to turn his head away when I kissed him on his cheek, and Hein always reprimanded me and said that Koedoe is a boy horse and don’t like kissing. Hein never ever kissed Koedoe himself, now it is a regular daily event. Hein’s body language and movement changed so much that Koedoe now see him as non-threatening, probably like a weak foal that must be protected. I really hope it stays this way, I prefer the new Hein, and the new Koedoe.

Speaking of Hein, his full name is Heinrich Roelof but we always called him Heinie. While he was waking up from the coma, he pulled out the feeding tube so many times that we decided to try and spoon feed him. He had a delayed swallow reflex which meant that I had to feed him baby food. He had a nappy on over the catheter because he used to tug at that too and caused some spills. When he went to the High Care ward, I had to assist him in walking to the loo and actually had to help him with his shorts, and later on, when he was home, he only remembered his primary school years and acted like a young boy. The young man with the deeper voice (because of the ventilator he had in hospital), acting like a child was, to say the least, confusing. Part of his therapy was to do preschool and Grade 1 language exercises like counting to ten, naming the days of the week and pointing at different body parts. I found myself addressing him in a very motherly tone and Rethea pointed out my ‘baby language’. I had to find a way to remind myself that, even though his memory and language skills are that of a child, he is in fact still a young man. I now focus on referring to him as Hein or Heinrich and address him by this grown-up name as well.
My cousin Leanie pointed out that God changed Abram’s name to Abraham when He wanted Abraham to work closer to Him, so maybe God let this happen to Hein to work through him to reach other people, hence the change in name for Hein. She believes there are great things in store for Hein.

About a month after his discharge, we had a long, hot day filled with appointments. Late the afternoon, when we got home, Hein started telling me how Dirk dropped his dirty clothes on the floor. I snapped at him to stop telling stories like that and could kick myself at the hurt on his, now so very expressive, face. I hugged him and told him that mothers also get tired and that I was sorry. He smiled, hugged me back and had me in tears when he said in his adult mode: “ I know, Ma, I understand. I’m sorry too.”

The second Sunday after Hein was discharged from hospital we woke up to find all the dogs poisoned and one car and the camper stolen together with some other stuff. Good news is that Hein’s personal little foxterrier was sleeping in bed with him and survived, the worse news is that all our camping stuff and all his riding gear was in that camper, including his provincial team outfit and club clothing. The loss of the family pets was quite a blow to all of us but especially to Hein. He was depressed, and it was hard to get him to do his therapy and physio exercises. Fortunately the new puppy lifted our spirits and we are all back on track.
Hein kept complaining of pain and discomfort in his wrist while exercising and we discovered a scafoid fracture in his left wrist, which he probably sustained in the accident. Unfortunately the bone was already necrotic and he had to have surgery and a bone graft. His exercises had to be toned down a lot, and it will take several weeks longer before he can ride a horse again, but at least that is the last of the setbacks and he is full speed on the way to recovery.

Aside from the therapy we also do everything we can to help him regain his memory and reach his full potential. We take him to people and places, look at photos, talk about incidents from the past and generally try to keep those synapsis in the brain firing all the time. Although he knew that Koedoe was his horse and Fanjan was his dog, he could not remember the past seven years, which included high school and endurance riding. Looking at the pictures, videos, certificates and talking to club members did not help, then one day cousin Leanie mentioned that there is an article on the endurance championships in the Weg! magazine. I paged through a copy when we entered the shops and found the lovely surprise – Hein was in a picture at the article. I passed the magazine to him and went shopping. Queing at the cashier, he showed me another picture of him and Koedoe at the index, and started talking….. By the time we got to the car he remembered every single detail of every leg of the three day ride! Since then he remembered just about all the rides he did and all the people he met. He now knows his rider number and all the detail every rider should know about riding, horsemanship, the different courses and grooming an endurance horse. Another little miracle, since the publisher have totally different criteria when selecting photos to go with the articles.

I don’t really believe in premonitions and that kind of stuff, but looking back I can see that, starting months before the accident, I was not quite myself. I literally dropped the wand while demonstrating the horse leading technique, at a time when my demo (Tteam) was evaluated for advancing to the next level. Not a good idea!
I was not always in the moment, at times I felt strangely distanced and, the best indication that there was a screw coming loose – I almost completely stopped reading! The books on my bedside table was gathering dust. Knowing me you will realise it was really, really odd.
Since Hein’s accident I am focused and in the moment. Was my body and mind ‘resting’ in preparation for the crisis? I’m sure I don’t know but am glad to be ‘me’ again.

Just in case any of you wondered why this happened, now you know – in this world of crime and violence and floods of bad news, God is using this positive news of miracle healing to shine like a light, to bring hope to many people all over the world, reminding us of the power of prayer. God may have more plans for Hein, I don’t know, all I know is that at this moment in time I feel so, so blessed and humbled that I had a small part to play in this show of the power of our God of Love and Miracles

Posted in Hein 6 October 2011 and beyond | 2 Comments